As if it weren’t hard enough transitioning your own life out of the LDS church, you may also have children in the mix. Great care and consideration need to be given to this matter, as there is much at stake, especially your precious parent-child relationship. Here are some thoughts to consider.
The most important consideration are the general principles upon which to make decisions. Here are some to think about.
- Your relationship to your child is more important than whether or not they are Mormon.
- Your authority, credibility and trust as a parent are more important than whether or not your children are Mormon.
- A sense of meaning, structure, consistency and stability are critical in a child’s life.
- Knowing the truth as you see it and living without pretense is very important in a child’s life.
- Growing up without false indoctrination is the ideal way to grow up.
Astute readers who agree with the above may be noticing that this is an inherently tricky issue. The answers are not always clear because you have already moved a long way down a certain path. Letting the undesirables go simultaneously risks the desirables. It may be impossible to come up with a satisfactory arrangement, but we need to do our best nonetheless.
If you and the other parent are leaving the LDS church, the question is whether or not the kids should continue being involved in the church. Pay attention to your child’s wants and social needs. They shouldn’t have to lose their friends over this. Support them in attending church if they want to and do not complain about it or criticize the church. If your children aren’t that interested in church and have plenty of friends outside of it, then you are home free. Leave and be grateful.
If you are leaving, but not the other parent, it is more complicated. In my opinion, if the child is willing and the other parent insists on taking him or her to church, then your child continues to go to church. If the child is unwilling, then you need to enter serious negotiations with the other parent that are beyond the scope of this article.
What NOT to do.
If your child has largely been raised as a devout Mormon and you have since discovered the truth about Mormonism, do NOT unload it on your kid. It’s too much. You may be excited, but it is not necessary to share with your children how the church is false, a scam, that Joseph Smith was a womanizing charlatan, etc…
Doing this may very well undermine your credibility as a parent, confuse and anger your children and generally throw life into chaos. From your kid’s point of view, you are communicating, “Everything I’ve taught you in life is wrong.” Why should they believe you from this point on? Relax. They have their entire lives ahead of them to discover the truth.
Do not make war with the other parent over Mormonism. Do not make war with your child over Mormonism.
